25 Things Every Good Southerner Knows...

1. The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
2. Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
3. What general direction cattywumpus is.
4. That “gimme sugar” don’t mean pass the sugar.
5. When somebody’s “fixin” to do something, it won’t be long.
6. The difference between Yankees and damn Yankees.
7. How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.
8. Knows what, “Well, I Suwannee !!” means.
9. Ain’t nobody’s biscuits like Grandma’s biscuits !!
10. A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
11. Real gravy don’t come from the store.
12. When “by and by” is.
13. How to handle their “pot likker”.
14. The difference between “pert’ near” and “a right far piece”.
15. The differences between a redneck and a good ol’ boy.
16. Never to go snipe hunting twice.
17. Learned what happens when you swallow tobacco juice at some point.
18. Never to assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
19. You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll ‘em up past the elbows.
20. You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.
21. A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy’s pants up.
22. Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.
23. Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons.
24. Butter makes everything better.
25. Just because the fashionistas say it's okay to do it, white shoes and/or pants are only acceptable after Easter and before Labor Day.

She's Growing Up!

It's official. My Number 1 baby is moving up in the world.

I registered The Bug for Kindergarten on Thursday this last week.

Bug reading to Jack the Cat on Saturday morning.

She's growing up way too fast, and I'm going to have to invest in Kleenex.

9 Words That Women Use

My girlfriend Autumn sent this to me last week, and I thought it was worth sharing...

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

• Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
• Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
• Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
• Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
• Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you about nothing. (Refer to bullet # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
• That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
• Thanks: A woman is thanking you - do not question this or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a whatever).
• Whatever: Is a women's way of saying Fuck You! There's not much recovery from this one.
• Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

I know that this is "9 Words", but I also want to add my own - The Scream. If you are in a different room than your wife/girlfriend/significant other and she screams, get off your ass and run - do not loaf - to her location immediately! If her scream goes unanswered by you and you get the "Don't worry, I'm okay", consider yourself in deep shit. You better start planning on how you're going to dig your way out of this one!

Happy Mother's Day to all of the wonderful women in my life - you know how you are!!!